Wajdi Akef Fakhoury, LMFT 148333
16 N. Marengo Ave. #501. Pasadena, CA 91101
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Two people can care deeply about each other and still leave the same interaction with entirely different understandings of what happened.
A request may feel clear to one partner and vague, critical, or difficult to organize to the other. One person may need to talk immediately while the other needs time to process or recover from overload. An agreement may be sincerely made and then forgotten, delayed, or displaced by competing demands. Over time, practical difficulties begin to carry painful meanings: I do not matter. I cannot rely on you. Nothing I do is enough. I am always the problem.
Couples therapy at Samar helps partners understand the pattern between them, take responsibility for impact, and develop ways of communicating and sharing life that are more workable for both people.
Neurodivergence matters—but it does not explain everything
Autism, ADHD, sensory differences, processing speed, rejection sensitivity, executive-functioning demands, and emotional regulation may all affect a relationship.
These differences deserve to be understood accurately. They should not be treated as character flaws, but they should not be used to dismiss harm, avoid responsibility, or require one partner to absorb an unworkable pattern indefinitely. The work makes room for several truths at once:
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A partner’s intention may have been caring.
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Their capacity may have been limited in that moment.
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The impact on the other person may still have been painful.
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Understanding the reason for a pattern does not remove the need to change it.
Common Reasons Couples Seek Therapy
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Repeated arguments that escalate, stall, or end in shutdown.
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Different needs around directness, tone, timing, pacing, and processing
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One partner pursuing discussion while the other withdraws or becomes overwhelmed
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Difficulty recovering after conflict or knowing when repair has actually happened
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Unequal household, parenting, financial, planning, emotional, or administrative labor
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Agreements that are sincere but not carried out consistently
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Sensory differences involving sound, touch, sleep, food, cleanliness, social activity, or shared space.
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Rejection sensitivity, criticism, defensiveness, resentment, or emotional exhaustion
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Differences in desire, initiation, touch, predictability, novelty, and intimacy.
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Late recognition or diagnosis of autism, ADHD, or another neurodevelopmental difference.
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A relationship that has become organized around managing problems rather than experiencing connection
Understanding the Interaction
Samar examines the interactional cycle: what each person notices, assumes, feels, communicates, and does next.
The work becomes more useful when broad conclusions such as “we cannot communicate” are translated into specific questions:
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Was the request clear enough to act on?
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Was there adequate processing time?
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Was the timing already shaped by fatigue or overload?
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Did one partner interpret delay as rejection?
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Did the other experience follow-up as criticism?
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Was responsibility explicitly assigned or merely assumed?
What Couples Therapy May Include
Mapping recurring conflict cycles in specific, observable terms.
Making room for different communication and emotional-expression styles.
Replacing indirect or implied expectations with explicit requests.
Psychoeducation & Referrals.
Separating intention, capacity, impact, and responsibility.
Examining how shame, trauma, rejection sensitivity, or prior relationship experiences shape current reactions.
Developing realistic agreements around timeframes, reminders, responsibilities, and follow-up.
Creating plans for processing time, overload, shutdown, escalation, and return to the conversation.
Clarifying what each partner means rather than assuming shared definitions.
Developing forms of connection and intimacy that respect both partners' needs and boundaries.
Addressing resentment related to household, parenting, emotional, or administrative labor.
Improving repair after conflict rather than focusing only on preventing disagreement.
Accountability Without Blame
A neurodevelopmentally informed approach should increase understanding, not lower expectations for honesty, safety, reciprocity, or repair. Therapy may help distinguish explanation from excuse, accommodation from overfunctioning, processing time from avoidance, direct communication from contempt, support from unequal responsibility, and intent from impact.
Both partners are expected to examine their contribution to the cycle. Responsibility should be specific enough to
act on rather than framed as a judgment about who is the better or more caring partner.
Therapy Does Not Privilege One Communication Style
Rapid verbal processing, sustained eye contact, immediate emotional disclosure, or conventional displays of empathy are not treated as the standard against which care is measured. At the same time, a partner's need for clarity, responsiveness, affection, reliability, or emotional engagement is not dismissed as inherently neurotypical.
The work is to understand what each partner needs, determine what is realistic, and develop forms of communication and connection that neither person must continually translate or endure.
Session Options
In-person appointments are available in Pasadena, CA.
Secure telehealth appointments are available throughout California
